某一天

最近很忙﹐  其實是好事。可以暫時忘掉憂慮。終於告一段落了。

可是在下個忙之前﹐ 我又被焦慮襲擊。 你剛病癒﹐看到我的電郵後﹐ 立即回覆﹐ 還在第二天早上打電話給我。 我並不善於被你逮個正著﹐ 支吾著。 你笑一笑﹐ 把話題轉移。 我想了一整天﹐ 才在晚上回覆你。 是封較短的電郵﹐ 不太像我。這次我知道﹐ 我只會在第二天早上才會收到你的回信。 果然! 只是這一次你把字放大了些﹐ 也寫了一封短信給我。 

這一天沒什麼事﹐ 我提早回家。 非常有耐性地開車。 聽著輕快的歌﹐ 嘴裡雖跟著唱﹐ 臉上仍沒有笑容。 我突然想到﹐ 你是我如今唯一能夠安心訴說的對象。可能是因為你能明白﹐ 因為你也曾經歷。 才這麼一想﹐ 臉上就浮現了會心的一笑。 以前以為好朋友不過如此﹐ 遇到你才發現所謂的“知己”﹐ 應該是這樣的。

真要謝謝你﹐ 你真的感動了我。 我也明白我在某程度上﹐ 也曾感動過你。 我們是平起平坐的。 又想起你不久前給我的一篇短文﹐ 道盡你的心思。 我當時看了以後說﹐ 我覺得那是一篇對話﹐ 像是我和你對說的一段話。 (有機會﹐ 我會翻譯在此)

記起表姐曾在fb連載這首歌﹐ 是我喜愛的Rob Thomas﹐ 其中一支較新的歌。 我知道﹐ 這才是你一直很想說的...... 

SomeDay

"Someday"

You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all you want to do is cry

[Chorus:]
And maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
Someday

Now wait
And try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away then maybe you can change your mind
You can run, oh
And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on everything around you
Man it's good to be someone

[Chorus]

And I don't want to wait
I just want to know
I just want to hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
Tell it to me slow

Cause maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
We'll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
Someday

[x2]
Cause sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again

水

很久沒有寫點什麼了﹐ 一來是電腦有問題 (剛修好)﹐ 二來是不想用英文寫。 結果就拖到現在。 

很多年都沒有一個朋友可以談心 ﹑ 聊些哲理的想法﹑ 或給我一些有意義的忠告。 所以這些年也就活在很表面的生活層次上。直到最近提起勇氣寫些生活感想給一位新認識的朋友﹐ 沒想到竟然得到回應。 而且還是很高層次的想法。也許我應該這樣說﹐ 因為他的經驗比我多﹐ 很多。 

我們談到工作﹑ 理想﹐ 發現原來有很多共同點﹐ 可以互相助對方達到目的地。 這久違的感覺﹐ 突然像泉水不斷涌出﹐ 掩蓋了整片大地。 雖然只是用電郵的方式聊﹐ 卻讓我們不知不覺地更深一層的了解對方。

他告訴我﹐ 他經歷過被別人欺騙﹑ 被盜取﹑ 被利用及安排﹑ 被踐踏﹐ 發現人性最醜陋﹑ 最黑暗的一面。 當對方想要得到你擁有的﹐ 可以不擇手段。 得到了以後﹐ 想盡辦法把你剔除。 若無法剔除﹐ 他們會把你釘死。 因為對方無能﹑ 因為妒忌﹑ 因為貪... 

他把這些經歷歸類於生命的一部份﹕ 被推倒了﹑ 自己站起來﹑ 拍去塵﹑ 擦去血﹑ 忍著痛﹐ 繼續走下去。 我們都相信﹐ 這世上好人還是比壞人多。 生命可以漂亮﹐ 當你找到屬於你自己的神秘花園。 就像雨﹐ 浸透每一個角落 - 河流﹑ 溝渠﹑ 土地﹐ 直到它找到它安心的目的地。 所以你看到河流﹑ 湖泊﹑ 甚至隱藏在地底下最清澈的井水。 

我想你了解我所要說的﹕ 是在於找到屬於自己層次﹐ 就像水找到它的層次後歸為的靜止。 生命也一樣。 

02/08/2010: Turning Point - August

Dear Father, 

10 years, as you said, to some people it's a long time. To others, it is short. At the sunrise age, 10-year is nothing. At the sundown age, 10-year is an achievement, as you don't know how many more 10-year you could go... 

I was surprised of your message last Saturday when I greeted you. Well, maybe it was because you seldom talked about your belief. You said, He carried you more than you realized all these years. Your wish was to become His servant and nothing more. I'm glad to hear that, really glad. 

Remember I called you up once during work? I asked you about His sign. You replied the same, as what others had been telling me so far. I asked Him to let me stay for another week or two, as I just started to discover something and I wanted to find out more. I didn't really want to make a harsh decision. Actually, I have a mixed feeling towards this decision. On one hand, I was glad I did wait, as I found something that led to my passion. On the hand, I saw the  ugliest side of this whole situation I was in then. I thought I had been immune of this whole thing about disappointed-with-a-human-being, but my feelings were far more hurtful than I expected. I had trouble sleeping at night, no appetite, and the negative cycle just continued by itself. 

I've been trying very hard to put a stop of all these negative feelings. Am still trying. At least now I can eat and eat well. The sleep will eventually pick up, I think. 

August is a turning point. I know from this month onwards, I will become better and better, both physical health and mental health. 

You too, Father, please take good care of yourself. Will pray for you. 

God Bless. 

曙光

接近月尾了﹐ 還是處在舉棋不定的狀況中。 真的好累... 已經一個星期了﹐ 每晚只睡4小時。 精神處在亢奮的虛弱的肉體裡﹐ 好不辛苦。 肉體的反應﹐ 已經不是第一次有此經歷﹐ 只是這一次是快樂的。 

是好事﹐ 抑或壞事? 那天想借朋友的茶讓自己好睡些﹐ 還是沒用。 4小時後自動張開眼睛。 去看醫生﹐ 醫生勸說﹐ 不要太緊張﹐ 開了一些藥。 唉﹐ 只有第一晚我睡了6小時。 接下來還是一樣。 

今天繼續我們的討論。 大部份非常悲觀... 和其他人隨口聊聊﹐ 空氣也瀰漫著負面的氣息。 晚上的一通電話後﹐ 讓我下了決定。 終於看到一線曙光... 

就朝這個方向前進吧。 已經預知最壞的處境﹐ 接下來的﹐ 只會更好... 

就像他說的﹐ 肯定妳自己﹐ 即使沒有人相信妳~ 

轉機

事情沒我想象中的壞。 慶幸我鼓起勇氣寫信給他。 

心情起伏了整整三個月﹐ 每天去上班都在想﹐ 去或留。 終於在六月結束的兩個星期前見到轉機﹐ 卻又回到去與留的徬徨。 沒動靜兩個星期﹐ 上星期終於忍不住寫了封信給他﹐ 讓他知道我的徬徨。 回到家﹐ 後悔了。 萬一他不接受怎麼辦? 折騰一整晚﹐ 第二天早上想﹐ 算了。 若您的安排是要我離開﹐ 我會欣然接受的。 當打開信箱 ﹑ 看到回信時﹐ 我不自覺地眉開眼笑... 事情真的沒我想象中的糟糕。 

認識他以後﹐ 我一直相信﹐ 會有轉機的。 可是隔了兩個月﹐ 沒有下文﹐ 我又不敢問。 終於在他正式被介紹後﹐ 我的信心重新恢復。 可是﹐ 接到另一個驚人的消息。 又開始徬徨。 決定找個朋友來問問﹐ 卻沒想到她在拉人。 唉~  我曾問﹐ 這真是您的安排嗎? 您看﹐ 我老這樣。 您給的訊息﹐ 又不相信。 是不甘心吧﹐ 畢竟沒做過什麼。 總會不甘心的﹐ 因為知道自己的能力不止於此。 我可以留下來再看看嗎? 

不好意思﹐ 總是打擾您﹐ 給您添麻煩了。 也謝謝您﹐ 讓這遲來的好消息肯定我的等待是值得的。 

願您保祐。 

09/07/2010﹕ 關於祂的愛

親愛的神父﹕ 

我突然想到這段對話﹕ 我會一直陪伴妳﹐ 像我之前答應妳的。 即使妳一個人﹐ 妳也會感受到我在妳身旁。 

瞬間﹐ 熱淚滿眶。 

有時重看我寫過的東西﹐ 會發現字裡行間會透露這樣的訊息。 我越寫﹐ 文字裡越不斷給予我這些肯定。 

那天我問你﹐ 我們是否一定要受苦﹐ 才能體會祂的愛。 你說不一定﹐ 可是當妳愛時﹐ 就一定有痛苦。為什麼會有痛苦呢?  一番討論後﹐ 發現我們的出發點不同。 嗯... 我是拿我對人和我對祂的愛來比較。 我說﹐ 對祂的愛﹐ 應該是快樂的 ﹑ 幸福的。 因為祂無條件的愛。 因為﹐ 你知道你的愛在祂那裡﹐ 肯定會有回報。 因為﹐ 你知道即使全世界都不愛你﹐ 祂還是會像從前一樣地愛你。 因為祂無私的愛。 

最近在雅虎看到一份關於沃倫 巴菲特的報導。 訪問說巴菲特的成功來源﹐ 並不和股票 ﹑ 金融有關﹐ 而是他父母給他無私的愛。 讓他在他往後的人生裡﹐ 可以走向成功。 因為他知道﹐ 無論發生什麼事﹐ 他的父母都會永遠支持他﹐ 家門永遠為他打開。 所以他可以放心去做他要做的事﹐ 他敢於冒險。 我們也這樣想的吧﹐ 祂會引導我們走上我們應走的路。 只有祂知道什麼是對我們最好的。 

你常說的﹐ 因為這份愛﹐ 我們才能體會天堂 ﹑ 永生。 

也因為這份愛﹐ 我們才能學習如何愛人。 不是嗎? 

上帝保祐。 

屈服

最近一直和同事聊到祂﹐ 老闆也老提到祂。 

公司里發生一些事﹐ 我還處在觀望的角度。 老闆昨天告訴我一些事﹐ 讓我寬心不少。 從上星期到這星期﹐ 一直不斷有人介紹工作給我。 我自問﹕ 這是您給的訊息嗎? 朋友罵我﹕ 已經這麼明顯﹐ 難道妳還要祂出現在妳面前﹐ 告訴妳怎麼做嗎? 不用想啦﹐ 這不是二千年前 ﹑ 妳也不是猶太人。 哈哈哈...  :D 

今天同事告訴我們一個對她來說的好消息。 她說最近她沒再向祂要求什麼了﹐ 她只是禱告﹐ 其他的一切都交於祂。 祂卻捎來這好消息。 我也發覺到祂在最後一分鐘解決了我的當務之急。 我們一致認為﹐ 是祂的指示。 是祂在告訴我們﹐ 請放心把一切交給祂﹐ 祂會打點一切。 老闆尤其深深地體會這一點。 她常說她是個非常固執的人﹐ 總是要自己做 ﹑ 自己扛。 她總在測試祂﹐ 而祂也總在考驗她。 從上個月開始﹐ 我們看到她經歷我們認為的低潮﹐ 為公事和私事奔波。 而且還得在我們面前表現堅強﹐ 因為她是老闆。 她終於屈服﹐ 把一切交給祂。 然後﹐ 她眼前的所有難題﹐ 一一有了解決的方案。 

我在臨走前告訴我同事﹐ 我現在面臨的難題﹐ 也許是祂要我學的。 祂希望我能在做每一件事時想到祂﹐ 養成良好的生活習慣﹐ 這樣生活才會更有意義。 也希望我能更依賴祂... 

凡是都交給祂吧﹐ 祂會安置一切的。 已經開始了﹐ 不再需要什麼暗示。 

在意

剛剛有位朋友一直向我道歉﹐ 說她沒告訴我﹐ 她其實很早就向委員會提出自願當facilitator。 我莫名其妙﹐ 一再告訴她沒關係。 然後她又說她也沒告訴另一些人﹐ 我才發覺問題所在﹕ 她太介意我 ﹑ 與這些人怎麼想。 

我曾經也是個很在意朋友 ﹑ 甚至陌生人對我的看法。 會一直向別人解釋我為什麼這樣想 ﹑ 這樣做。 親近的朋友會任我說﹐ 但陌生人就覺得莫名其妙﹐ 認為多此一舉。 現在﹐ 我比較可以接受自己不必向別人解釋太多事。 說真的﹐ 很多人都不會在意。 顧自己的事都來不及呢~  我並沒有提倡我行我素﹐ 我還是傾向合群。 只要不太隨波逐流﹐ 偶而擁有自己的意見﹐ 不是件壞事。 在適當的時候有主見﹐ 會換來一些尊重的。 

先入為主﹐ 是我們常對人對事的態度。 可是有些人與事﹐ 不是“常恆”的定理。 人與事﹐ 在不同的時間 ﹑ 不同的角度會有不一樣的反應及結果。他當時的所作所為﹐ 會有一定的理由。 你能不能夠接受﹐ 那是你的事。 輪不到我評斷。  若真的不能容忍﹐ 那就走開吧﹐ 退一步海闊天空。 

不要太過執著 ﹑ 太過武斷﹐ 人與事﹐ 都會改變。 有一天你會明白。 

A friend apologized to me just now, as she had volunteered earlier to be a facilitator. I was confused, but told her it was ok. Then she mentioned she also didn't tell another group of people, I realized what was her problem: she cared too much of what I, or other people think of her. 

I used to care of what my friends and others think of me. I would explain to others why I thought this way, or why I did this. My friends would let me say what I wanted to say, but strangers would find it odd: why did you need to explain it... Nowadays, I can accept the fact that I don't have to explain every action. To be honest, nobody cares what you think and what you do. Can't even care enough for themselves... I don't mean to do things without guidelines, or to do whatever you like. I still go with the majority. But not following the crowd, sometimes, isn't that bad. To voice up your opinion might also gain some respects. 

We always judge by the first impression. But there is nothing forever unchanged. People will have different response towards things at different moments or at different angles. There is always a reason why something has happened. If you can't accept it, it is up to you. I can't comment. If you really can't stand it, just walk away. The alternative route may be smooth and wide. 

Things will change. Don't be too judgmental. You will understand it one day.  

內疚

當你開口時﹐ 我應該傷心的。 像平常﹐ 我應該流淚 ﹑ 我應該生氣 ﹑ 我應該心碎。 可是我沒有。 

我只是嘆口氣﹐ 又得重新來過... 當我告訴神父時﹐ 他並沒有驚訝﹐ 只是問我還好吧。 但那一晚﹐ 還是翻來覆去 ﹑ 輾轉難眠。 後來﹐ 偶爾還會流淚﹐ 卻發現不是為你。 

我是內疚的。 這麼多年了﹐ 竟然可以說放下就放下﹐ 不太像我。 可能是之前哭太多了﹐ 不願再回到那心痛的日子。 我只想往前走。 

也許﹐ 我應該內疚的﹐ 內疚我沒有心傷。 但我沒有。 

"I Feel Bad"

I should be out in that driveway stopping you
Tears should be rolling down my cheek
And I don't know why I'm not falling apart
Like I usually do
And how the thought of losing you's not killing me
I feel bad
That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, Seems so wrong
I can't explain it
Maybe it's just
I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb Baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad

I can let myself be angry over wasted time
And sad about just throwing love away
Yeah I almost wish my heart was breaking
But I cant lie
All I want to do is turn the page
I feel Bad

That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, Seems so wrong
I can't explain it
Maybe it's just
I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb Baby I hate it
I feel bad

That I don't feel bitter, alone
I just feel its time, its time to move on
I just gotta move on and on and on and on

Yeah
Baby it's just I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad
No, I don't feel bad 

[ RASCAL FLATTS LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]

方向

朋友在她的部落里提到﹐ 她找不到方向﹐ 是因為一開始沒有定下終點。 是嗎? 

我剛在fb寫﹕ 正在十字路口﹐ 問祂方向﹐ 其實(我)已知道該往哪走﹐ 再詢問﹐ 這次是(希望得到)祂的祝福~ 

即使定下目標 ﹑ 設下終點﹐ 不一定會知道該往哪裡走。 但是不是路途就短些 ﹑ 會幸福些? 那也見人見智。 有人設下目標﹐ 會一直認為那是遙不可及的﹐ 永遠沒辦法實現。 若一時無法下定目標﹐ 可以從比較近的方向作考量﹐ 總有一天會找到最終的目標。 也應該抱著靈活的想法﹐ 方向不對時﹐ 可以即時調整心情﹐ 朝不同的方向繼續走下去。 那也許看似不對的方向﹐ 會有一天變成可行的道路。 你也許不自覺﹐ 我們常這樣做呢~  試想想﹐ 你今天站的地方﹐ 是不是十年或二十年前的目的地? 還不是一路走來了?  ^_^  

繼續走下去吧﹐ 路﹐ 會自然清晰。 那﹐ 也是個方向。 


A friend wrote that she couldn't find her direction, it is because she didn't set the finish line at the beginning. Really? 


I wrote on my fb that day: at the crossroad, ask for direction, but she actually knows which direction to head on. Ask again, this time for blessing~ 


Even if we set a goal at the beginning, it doesn't mean we know where to go. Might it be a shorter route if we have a goal? Well, maybe. Some people set a goal and think it's unreachable, and therefore it is never been achieved. If you can't set a goal right now, think of the possible routes from your surrounding. One day it will lead to your final goal. You should also be flexible. If you realize the route is not leading to what you want, change your direction, and head off to a new road. The incorrect route, sometimes, might turn out to be a walkable way. Well, we always do that. Try to think back, where you are standing now, was it the goal or the direction you wanted ten, twenty years ago? You have come this far anyway... 


Continue to walk on your path, the road will be clear. It is also A direction. 

Stand

Sometimes, somebody or something hits you. You fall on the floor, shocked and helpless. Your trust is tested.

I say it before, when you fall, you can sit on the floor to nurture your wound, but YOU have to stand up yourself. Your friends and family members can only lend you a hand. How do you learn, if you don't experience it? Others don't show their failure, doesn't mean they don't have experience. 

Life is like a novel, only the end has been ripped off. You know the storm will be over, you know at the end of the tunnel is light. In the meantime, you need to keep on walking. The invisible wall will break one day... 

Life is not like a picture. It doesn't freeze at a particular moment in time. It will not stay on a spot to wait for your decision. Every time you stand up again, a small part of you will fall into a new "YOU". This new You, will be different from You in the past. 

Remember that. 

站起來

有時候﹐ 某人或事把你推倒。 你跌坐在地上﹐ 驚慌失措 ﹑ 無助。 你對人與事的信任受到考驗。 

我曾說過﹐ 你可以坐在地上休息﹐ 可是你一定要自己站起來﹐ 朋友和親人只可以借力給你。 不經一事﹐ 何來的長一智? 別人光明的一面﹐ 並不代表他沒有經歷那一事 (或很多事...)。 

像歌詞里所提到的﹐ 人生就像一部小說﹐ 只是你不知道結局。 你知道暴風雨有天會停止﹐ 你也知道黑暗的儘頭是光明﹐ 在這個時候﹐ 請你一直走下去﹐ 那擋在前面無形的厚牆﹐ 有一天會裂開。 

人生不像照片﹐ 被凍結在固定的時間里。 它不會停在那裡﹐ 等你作決定。 每當你重新站起﹐ 你的一小部份﹐ 會開始拼湊另一個完整的你。 但請記得﹐ 這一個完整的你﹐ 不會是從前的你。 

與你共勉之~ 

"Stand"

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

[Chorus:]
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand


Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before it's gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Oh
[ RASCAL FLATTS LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]

He Ain't The Leavin' Kind

"Me and My Gang" is my most favourite album among the others of Rascal Flatts. First time heard this song, "He Ain't The Leavin' Kind", didn't understand much. Until one day I was singing it with the lyrics, I finally understood it. 

"He Ain't The Leavin' Kind"

They tried their best to drag him out

Of a courthouse down in montgomery

Now they want to kick him out of school

And take him off our money

They can take those words off of paper and stone

But he aint gone, no

He ain't the leavin' kind

He'd never walk away

Even from those who dont believe

And wanna leave him behind

He ain't the leavin' kind

She stayed mad at him for a lot of years

For taking her husband

Started losing her faith and thinking that

Her life meant nothin

But when she looks at those kids

She raised all by herself

She knows she had some help

Yeah she knows

He ain't the leavin' kind

He'd never walk away

Even from those who don't believe

And wanna leave him behind

He ain't the leavin' kind

No matter what you do

No matter where you go he's

Always right there

With you

Even from those who don't believe

And wanna leave him behind

He ain't the leavin' kind 

[ RASCAL FLATTS LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]

He will not leave. He is always there (or here). I have said this and repeated it in my writing thousands times. You can say you don't believe it, or you walk pass Him. But we all know, somewhere down the road, whether you are still walking, or at the dead bed, you will finally acknowledge, He is there, ALWAYS there. 

On this road called Life, a lot of things happen to us. We meet great people we call friends, we loss important people that might be closed family or friends, we fall in love with someone, we fall out of love with others, we meet golden opportunities, we make poor decisions, we laugh, we cry, we are worried, we are angry, we are relief, we are excited... No matter what we do, where we go, one thing that was not, is not and will not change is, He is always there. Regardless how many ups and downs we have in our lives, He is always there. 

He ain't the leavin' kind, He'd never walk away, even for those who don't believe, and wanna leave Him behind, 

HE AIN'T THE LEAVIN' KIND. 

願望

認識 Rascal Flatts 是因為他們的 "What Hurts The Most". 結果下載了他們其他的專輯, 發現很多歌都很好聽。 

若你問我﹐ 很多歌我都很喜歡﹐ 但最愛的是這首 “My Wish"﹐ 收入在 "Me and My Gang” 里。 歌詞可以在我寫的英文版里*找到。 

你也一樣希望寄意於你的朋友吧? 

從小﹐ 我都和朋友一起成長﹐ 因為我沒有兄弟姐妹。 我很享受和朋友在一起的時光﹐ 不管是兩個人 ﹑ 三個人 ﹑ 或是十個人... 我想念與你﹐ 兩個人﹐ 聊至第二天天亮 (有時還會翹早上八點的課﹐ 哈!)﹔ 我想念你從老遠帶一大堆CD到我家 ﹑ 不厭期煩地向我解釋專輯的內容﹔ 我想念你半夜三更打電話給我和我聊天﹐ 為了使你清醒 ﹑ 可以完成你的作業﹔ 我想念你作東﹐ 帶我去這去那﹐ 為了我可以順利完成我的功課... 我尤其想念你們﹐ 在我最需要的時候﹐ 聽我細訴。 

我只想說 “謝謝你﹐ 朋友”。 我也希望你知道﹐ 不管你做什么﹐ 總有一個人常在這裡支持你 ﹑ 愛你。 

*在 “My Wish"﹐ 生活隨想里。 

My Wish

Knew Rascal Flatts through "What Hurt the Most". Radio played their song crazily that year... Then downloaded their albums... "Me and My Gang", "Feels Like Today", "Melt"... Discovered wonderful songs by them. 

A lot of favourite songs among all these albums, if you ask me. But "My Wish" is THE most favourite of all. Take a look at the lyrics: 

My Wish 

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go, 
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose, 
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you. 
And if one door opens to another door closed, 
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window, 
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,

All the ones who love you, in the place you left,

I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,

And you help somebody every chance you get,

Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,

And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

This is my wish

I hope you know somebody loves you

May all your dreams stay big

Isn't that the same wish you have for your friends? 

I grew up with friends as I don't have siblings. I enjoy the companies, whether is just the two of us, the three of us, or the ten of us... And I miss those days talking to you, just the two of us, till the following mornings (and sometimes I skipped the 8am class, hahaha....). I miss those days that you brought all the CDs to my house, tirelessly explaining the contents of the albums. I miss those days that you called me just to keep you awake, so that you could finish your homework. I miss those days you hosted me, took me here and there, to help me completing my assignments... to most of you, I miss those days you were just there, ready to listen me. 

I want to say "Thank You, my friends". And I really hope you know, whatever you do, somebody is always here to support you, to love you. 

Choice

Never had a chance to watch its DVD. Till last week a friend mentioned she could lend it to me. I have the book, and have read it few times. I just want to watch the DVD. 

I have not touched the book for quite some time when I watched the DVD, I was quite attached to it. Even though I didn't finish the DVD the first time (I watched it quite late at night), I remembered all the methods I used before. After switching off my computer, I remembered my excitement after reading the book the first time, I immediately adjusted my feelings and thoughts. Took out the journal I bought before for recording my wishes, I wrote down my new wishes. Just like my previous wishes, I know my new wishes will come true. I continued to watch the DVD the following night, I then went online to download the pictures I needed, cut them out and pasted on a board next to my bed. Every day when I wake up and before I sleep, I look at my board and think of the happiness I will have when my wishes come true. 

As the time goes by, I know I have learnt to make choices. Everything has two sides, the good and evil. If things are not in my control, I still have two choices to face them, positive and negative. I make the CHOICE. And I know, if I think positively, all good things come. Only those of you who have tried it will understand what I mean.  ^_^ 

About my life, I CAN choose to face it positively, even when others think of it negatively. It is because, I control my life. I don't need others to tell me who am I. I choose my way, I choose my job, I choose my happiness, and I choose my life. Being religious is also helpful, it is a driving force. 

I have tried the ways "The Secret" has suggested, and I see the results. I will continue to use the methods, until I get what I want. I wish you success~ 

選擇

一直沒機會看“秘密”的DVD﹐ 直到上星期朋友提起﹐ 她可以借給我。 我有它的書﹐ 也看了幾遍。 只是想看看DVD。 

因為很久沒有重看這本書﹐ 所以看DVD時﹐ 還是很投入。 雖然沒有一次過看完 (看的時候太夜了)﹐ 但一一記起曾經用過的方法。 關機後﹐ 突然回到第一次看書時的興奮﹐ 即時調轉心情﹐ 重新試試。 我把之前特地為它買的筆記本拿出來﹐ 重新寫下我的願望。 我知道﹐ 這些願望會實現的。 因為之前所寫下的願望﹐ 那些堅持的﹐ 都實現了。 第二晚﹐ 我繼續把剩下的片段看完。 然後上網下載我所要的照片﹐ 剪下來﹐ 貼在之前買的佈告板上﹐ 放在床頭。 每天早上起床 ﹑ 晚上臨睡前﹐ 都會看一遍佈告板﹐ 然後想象願望實現後的心情。 

我知道﹐ 在這段時間﹐ 我學會了選擇。 每一件事情﹐ 都有兩面﹐ 好的與不好的。 如果事情不是我可以控制的﹐ 那﹐ 我有兩種心情可以面對﹐ 正面或負面。 選擇在於我。 我也相信﹐ 如果我用正面的態度去面對﹐ 我會得到正面的回應。 只有試過此方法的人﹐ 會明白我指什麼。  ^_^ 

面對我的生活﹐ 我可以選擇很正面的去迎接﹐ 可以把別人認為應該很負面的想法﹐ 自己變得很正面。 因為﹐ 我的生活﹐ 由我掌控。 我不必由別人告訴我﹐ 我是誰。我選擇我的方向 ﹑ 我選擇我的工作 ﹑ 我選擇我的快樂 ﹑ 我選擇我的生活。 依賴信仰也有幫助﹐ 它也是一種推動力。 

因為﹐ 我已試過﹐ 看到成果。 所以﹐ 我會堅持試下去﹐ 直到我得到我所要的。 也祝你成功~ 

禮物

我們曾談過﹐ 你說﹐ 相信祂的愛﹐ 是一件禮物﹐ 不是一項專權。 不能收藏﹐ 只能記著。 

當時的我很沮喪。 因為我感覺不到祂。 我在停車場的時間越來越少﹐ 字句像隨著時間流失﹐ 找不到話說。 距離感很強﹐ 非常惆悵。 跟你提起﹐ 你當時就說﹕ 相信祂愛你﹐ 即使你感覺不到愛。 

很難對沒有信仰的人說﹐ 祂愛你。 難以理解﹐ 如何去證明祂愛你? 我們常要看證據。 經過這些年﹐ 像我曾與你提起的﹐ 我開始看到這些”證據“。 我必須承認﹐ (哈!) 祂在過去很努力地要與我”對話“。 當我第一次去心靈營時﹐ 祂終於有機會 ﹑ 在沒有任何干擾下﹐ 一一向我證實祂在何時何地讓我能夠”認識“祂。 我當時很驚訝﹐ 當祂一一揭示﹐ 我看到﹕ 祂把我從那間大學轉到這間大學﹔ 祂讓我認識這些對我很好 ﹑ 很熱情的人 -- 都是天主教的教徒﹔ 祂帶我去禮拜﹐ 而我並不感到不安或冒犯*﹔ 然後祂讓我與天主教徒墜入愛河﹔ 最後﹐ 祂引導我透過RCIA認識祂... 這不是巧合﹐ 這是已被安排的。 

祂要我接受這份禮物﹐ 這份你曾提到的﹐ 祂的愛。 我第二次去心靈營時﹐ 神父要我們了解這份愛﹐ 學習如何與祂相愛。 在學習的這些日子里﹐ 我開始領悟到﹐ 我不再孤獨。 世界上不再只剩下我﹐ 我還有祂。 祂一直在我身旁 ﹑ 一直伴著我﹐ 像我可以隨時和祂分享即時的快樂和興奮的事。我從來不曾感受過... 很新鮮。 更驚訝的是﹐ 我非常享受這種感覺。 

相信祂的愛﹐ 是一件禮物﹐ 不是一項專權。 我不能收藏它。 

我只能記著。 我相信我會一直記著﹐ 直到我的生命走到盡頭。 






*冒犯﹐ 是因為去某些教會時﹐ 不能認同牧師所說的﹐ 有時會有被冒犯的感覺。 

The Gift

We talked about this some time ago, and you told me, to believe in His love, is a gift. It is not a "right". I can't store it, I can only remember it. 

I was quite upset about myself back then. I couldn't feel Him. I spent less time in the car park in most of my mornings. I felt as if I was running out of words to talk to Him. I felt the distance, and I was despair. Then I turned to you. And you told me this: believe He loves you, even when you don't feel loved. 

It is hard to tell a non-believer that, He Loves You. It is hard to believe. Where is the proof? We always want to see the "proof". After all these years, as I told you before, I began to see where were and are the "evidence". He has been, (hahaha...) I must say, trying very hard to show me all these years. My first retreat was a major event for me, as He finally had a chance, without distraction, to showed me when and where He tried to "talk" to me in the past. I was, of course shocked back then. As He revealed them, I began to see: He brought me to this university from another university, He led me to meet these nice people were all Catholics, He also brought me to church once and I didn't feel uncomfortable or offensive, then He led me to fall in love with a Catholic, finally, He led me to know Him through RCIA... These are not coincidence, they are planned. 

He wants me to receive this gift. This gift you mentioned, His Love. In my second retreat, Father urged us to learn about His Love, and to fall in Love with Him. I started to learn that I'm not alone. The world is not just me, all by myself. I have Him. And He is always, always by my side. Even when I don't notice it, He is always right next to me. It is, as if I can turn to share whatever happy and excited moments I just received with Him right there and then. I never have this experience before... It is new, and to my surprise, I feel great about it. 

To believe in His Love, is a gift. It is not a “right", I can't store it. 

I can only remember it. And I know I will remember it, until the end of my life. 

19/07/2009 : Faith

Dear Father, 

Thought of "Faith" today. I started to have faith in Him after my first retreat. I started to believe in Him, trusting Him in certain way and be my guidance of my life. The more I pray to Him and believe in Him, I realize, He reveals more and more to me. Therefore, I believe more and more in Him. It is like a cycle: 

        me ---> Him                   Him ---> me                        me ---> Him 

           (pray)                             (reveals)                             (believe) 

It strengthens the whole relationship. I remember a non-Christian friend told me once, her Christian friend thanked God after finding a parking lot closed to the entrance/exit in a shopping mall. My friend laughed at it, thinking it was a merely coincidence. After I became a Christian, I believed what her friend's belief. It was because her friend BELIEVED God would help her to get the space, and she really did FIND the space. 

Nowadays I believe it too. I say a simple prayer before I do certain thing, especially I need His Grace and Mercy to guide it. I also ask for guidance when comes to decision making. I will ask Him to guide me to the choice which He thinks will be best suited me (I learnt it from the article of an interview to a Catholic Taiwanese artist). I trust Him to guide me the way I will be most comfortable in, I will be best living in, and I will thank Him for that choice. Amen. 

I can't stop thinking of faith increasing as the weeks go by. This is certainly unexpected when I re-journey, Father. And now I'm looking forward to mass, and to the class after that every Sunday. I'm sure you are glad to hear this... ^_^ 

God bless. 

12/07/2009 : 祂是誰?

Dear Father, 

This week topic was, "Who is Jesus Christ?". Our table topic was even more interesting, who is Jesus, before and after your baptism. I remember that year, when I was still a non-believer, I left the answer blank. I didn't know how to answer the question. I only knew He was the God for Christians, He was far and distance. And God to me, was always high up there. But in the past few years, Christianity has taught me, God is near, God can be near and close. He doesn't need to be far and distance all the time. Jesus was a man, He lived like us. He knew human's feeling, He understood us. But He had more faith than us, He trusted His Father more than us. He showed us this FAITH, He taught us this FAITH. 

Today, He is more like a friend to me. He is the most excellent listener, I gather. When nobody wants to listen to you, He will always be there, ready to hear what you want to say. I have developed this habit of talking to Him every morning in the car. That is the only time where I can CHOOSE not to have any sounds. Some days were just reports, some days were comments, some days were conversations﹐ and some days were just silence. Whichever ways of communication, our relationship is certainly closer and closer. 

I know you will be grateful for me when you hear this, do you not Father?  ^_^ 

God bless.