The Gift

We talked about this some time ago, and you told me, to believe in His love, is a gift. It is not a "right". I can't store it, I can only remember it. 

I was quite upset about myself back then. I couldn't feel Him. I spent less time in the car park in most of my mornings. I felt as if I was running out of words to talk to Him. I felt the distance, and I was despair. Then I turned to you. And you told me this: believe He loves you, even when you don't feel loved. 

It is hard to tell a non-believer that, He Loves You. It is hard to believe. Where is the proof? We always want to see the "proof". After all these years, as I told you before, I began to see where were and are the "evidence". He has been, (hahaha...) I must say, trying very hard to show me all these years. My first retreat was a major event for me, as He finally had a chance, without distraction, to showed me when and where He tried to "talk" to me in the past. I was, of course shocked back then. As He revealed them, I began to see: He brought me to this university from another university, He led me to meet these nice people were all Catholics, He also brought me to church once and I didn't feel uncomfortable or offensive, then He led me to fall in love with a Catholic, finally, He led me to know Him through RCIA... These are not coincidence, they are planned. 

He wants me to receive this gift. This gift you mentioned, His Love. In my second retreat, Father urged us to learn about His Love, and to fall in Love with Him. I started to learn that I'm not alone. The world is not just me, all by myself. I have Him. And He is always, always by my side. Even when I don't notice it, He is always right next to me. It is, as if I can turn to share whatever happy and excited moments I just received with Him right there and then. I never have this experience before... It is new, and to my surprise, I feel great about it. 

To believe in His Love, is a gift. It is not a “right", I can't store it. 

I can only remember it. And I know I will remember it, until the end of my life.