It has been 3 years since I was baptised. Every year after that, when I went for Easter celebration, I often thought of my baptism night. Tonight was the same. The RCIA team did a wonderful job every year, give us a lot of gifts, help us to "believe in Him". I was so excited that night when I was baptised and stayed up until 3 - 4am even though I was exhausted. This year, I only went to bed at 5:00am.
Father mentioned about "Faith" in his Easter homily. Seeing is believing, we always say. Some of us might wish to be there 2,000 years ago. But even when we were there, would be believe in Him? There were so many people around Him then. Were they all believe in Him? Even His disciples were struggled. If He appears today, stands next to us, will we believe in Him? So... belief, is not always "when we see it".
"Resurrection" is another struggle. When other Christian brothers or sisters pass away, we will say, they have gone to Heaven, or the Lord has raised them up in resurrection. But when our closed relatives are gone, we tend not to believe there is a better life after this...
Every year of this very day, I look at the past (on my baptism night) and now. How's have my faith grown throughout the years? What have I done and gone through since the last Easter and now? Am I drawn to Him more or away from Him?
What I'm sure is, through these years, I have increased my faith. I now begin to believe He will give me the best (He thinks of me). I admit that these past two months were a test of this faith "do you believe He will give you the best?" I too, struggled with my faith sometimes. Mostly because my prayers have not been answered. And I know there will be many struggles in the days to come. But each time when I realize what He has done for me, my faith increases. When my faith increases, it brings me closer to Him. Until one day, I will have no doubt in Him. I know that day will come. All I hope is, it won't be the day I unite with Him. ^_^