最昂貴的一堂課

那天和老闆談起八月的活動﹐ 她聊起那位講師和他的講題。 那是一個很受歡迎的講題﹐ 愛 ﹑ 性 ﹑ 與這之間的關係。

會議後﹐ 我突然想起老闆曾說過﹐ 她不知道為什麼祂會讓這樣的事發生在我身上﹐ 可是她相信一定有祂的理由。 我現在才發現﹐ 這件事會發生﹐ 是祂的用心良苦。 是為了讓我學會愛祂 ﹑ 了解祂愛我... 這一堂祂要我上的課﹐ 似乎要了我的命...

我已經開始走出這陰影﹐ 開始學著這份對祂的愛。 現在才明白祂的苦衷﹐ 我是知道的﹐ 祂和我一樣痛心。 是祂一手牽著我朝這個方向走來﹐ 突然要祂放手﹐ 那是什麼樣的心情呵~  我已不再問祂為什麼﹐ 我只專注在建立我和祂的情感上。我知道﹐ 我越快了解祂對我的愛 ﹑ 在祂的愛里找到安慰﹐ 我越快了解人與人之間的愛﹐ 不會再在人間里尋愛 ﹑ 不會再對人們的愛失望。 像我老闆所說的﹐ 我們在任何一個地方﹐ 都只是個過客﹐ 只是一個季節。 我們還沒走﹐ 表示我們還沒學會祂要我們學的東西。 當我們學會 ﹑ 準備好以後﹐ 祂會 ”送“ 我們到下一站。 今天我還在我的崗位上﹐ 是因為我還沒學會我所應學的﹐ 所以我還沒走。 當我準備好後﹐ 我想我會知道離開的那一刻。

神父每次看到我﹐ 都別有用心地問我﹐ 好嗎? 我想我現在會回答﹕ 

我很好﹐ 接下來會更好~

Between "I Love you" and "I Like you"

A friend commented how he felt about "to Love" and "to Like" on his fb. It reminded me of my article "In between to love and to like" many years ago. I adapted a song from a Taiwanese singer Huang An, re-wrote it in a poem-like and published at our school magazine. 

I've tried what was to Love and what was to Like when I was young, very distressed. It was always in a guessing game, especially when the other was undecided. Now, I've learnt not to wander between the feelings. If I like the person and think of going into a serious relationship, I will tell him. As a friend said, the worst answer he could give was "No". How if he liked you too? You could have missed him. Even though I had never been successful so far, hahaha... 

Then I met Him. At the beginning, it was only "Like". I even felt the hierachy between us, He was “Up" and I was "Down". After all these years, with what had happened, He is of course still at the top. But there are also "Friend" and "Father" feelings. When I am distraught and troubled, the image of Him looking at me "in His most gentle way" will appear. With this, I slowly learn about His Love. 

Another image which has touched me is this. There are: "Do not be afraid, for I am with you", "It's ok, you are fine", "It's so good to see you"... Only He can do it. No matter what had happened, if you are willing to face Him, He will give you all these assurance... 

I am still learning His Love. He reassures His Love, for His Love is generous and unconditionally. IT IS UNBELIEVABLE. And yes, this Love DOES exist.

愛與喜歡之間

朋友在fb發表他的 “愛與喜歡” 的感言﹐ 讓我想起多年前我寫的 “愛與喜歡之間”。 那是改編自黃安的歌﹐ 我把它寫成詩﹐ 發表在校刊裡。 

中學時曾經試過﹐ 最後還是沒結果。 徘徊在喜歡和愛之間﹐ 很傷人的。 因為總在猜測﹐ 像抓迷藏~ 尤其對方也猶豫不決。 長大後﹐ 不再徘徊這兩者之間。 喜歡對方時﹐ 若想進一步發展﹐ 就會主動表白。 像一位朋友說的﹐ 最壞的答案是﹐ 他拒絕妳。 要是他也喜歡妳呢? 而妳可能就錯過了。 所以會向對方表白。 雖然沒有一次成功...  =_='''   哈! 

後來﹐ 認識了祂。 剛開始時有階級的感覺﹐ 祂在上﹐ 我在下。 只有喜歡﹐ 似乎不見愛。 發生了這麼多事後﹐ 我發現﹐ 雖還有階級﹐ 但多了份 “朋友” 和 “父親” 的感情。  在我很傷心 ﹑ 需要安慰的時候﹐ 有一個畫面常出現﹐ 就是祂極溫柔的眼神。 這個眼神﹐ 讓我漸漸學會 ﹑ 也相信祂的愛。

另一幅畫﹐ 常讓我哽咽。 就是這張祂擁抱的畫面。 這裡有 “不用怕﹐ 有我在” ﹑ “沒事了﹐ 你很好” ﹑ “很高興能夠見到你”... 的訊息。 只有祂能夠做到。 無論發生什麼事﹐ 你若願意走到祂面前﹐ 祂就會給你這些肯定... 

我還在學習對祂的愛。 認識祂﹐ 讓我能夠放心地愛。 因為祂毫無戒心 ﹑ 毫無保留地愛我。 難以置信﹐ 是﹐ 難以置信。 可是﹐ 就真有這份愛。

WE will come to them, and make our Home with them

今天在教堂里檢討﹐ 這星期來的 "...what I have done..."

因為開始載個學生上 ﹑下班﹐ 開車時比較 ”看得開“ 。 但上星期有幾天沒載她﹐ 結果就遇到無理的司機。 那天也不知為什麼﹐ 就是不願讓他。 後來被逼讓他﹐ 還是很生氣! 等他離開視線後﹐ 才靜心想﹐ 為什麼這麼生氣。 在爭 ﹑ 讓的當兒﹐ 其實蠻危險的﹐ 我根本沒有想到祂。

很多時候﹐ 我們忘了這句﹕ "...what I've failed to do..."

這幾個星期﹐ 我一直在想﹐ 應該參加哪一個服務團。 也在留意不同服務團的開會或聚會時間。 隔了三年﹐ 現在有了車 ﹑ 有了時間﹐ 也應該參與一些活動﹐ 對身心都好。 

其實﹐ 過去一直在猶豫﹐ 是因為害怕不能守承諾。 害怕參與後不能常出席。 可是﹐ 這一年重上RCIA﹐ 發現我比三年前更少缺席。 也許﹐ 我在不知不覺中學會”守承諾“了。

心儀的服務團﹐ 下星期就去試試吧~

He said, "those who love me will keep my word, and my Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them." 

已經不是第一次讀這一段。 可是今天讀的時候在想﹐ 我有沒有”邀請“祂們同住... 如何邀請? 只有遵守祂的諾言﹐ 祂們才會與我同住。 也許﹐ 下次在開口向祂要求任何事之前﹐ 先看看我有沒有遵守祂的諾言。

記得在下一次作任何決定前想想﹐ 若換成祂﹐ 祂會怎麼做... 這樣﹐ 或許會更接近祂。

Love

Today's topic was about Love. Was it a coincident? Or, is He sending me some messages? I had always relied on human relationships. Well, that's what I was been taught since young. Some people handle it very well, some people have hard times all their lives. But one thing I believe is, the love between God and I is promised forever. I might fail to love Him, but He will never fail on me. This relationship started when I accepted Him into my life.

Like I said before, I felt very distance on this relationship. And liked everybody else, I needed proof. I couldn't feel it if I didn't have proof. After these few years, I finally realized it. Slowly through praying and attending RCIA classes again, I discovered this Love day by day. It is easily overlooked, if you are not careful. But when I started to appreciate little things, little happiness, and related it to Him, I found myself looking at a whole new direction. And I never experienced this before... 

Father said, "to experience this Love, is to experience the life after this", which is the life we always wonder... all the love I experience with another human, whether is past, present or future, is all temporary. It will either faded, lost, or broken. Only His love will last forever. Once you realize and believe in it, you will look at "relationship" differently. And I hope, it will cause less pain to your relationship with another human being. 

Because I am learning to look at relationship differently. 

今天談到愛。 是否純屬巧合? 還是您要告訴我什麼? 我總是依賴著和人的關係。 沒辦法﹐ 從小就是這樣學的。 有些人處理得很好﹐ 有些人一輩子都搞不好。 不過﹐ 我相信一點﹐ 祂對我的愛是絕對的。 我也許常失誤﹐ 但祂永不。 這愛的關係早在三年前我接受祂時就已經建立。 

我在前文有提到﹐ 我曾感覺不到這份愛。 像其他人一樣﹐ 我需要證明。沒有證明﹐ 我就不相信。 這些年來﹐ 我終於明白了。 因為禱告和重上RCIA, 我漸漸體會這份愛﹐ 這份情感。 如果你沒仔細留意﹐ 很容易就會錯過。 當我開始為小事而開心﹑ 為小事而感動﹐ 然後再聯想到祂﹐ 我發現我正朝著不同的方向走去。 這是我從來不曾感受的... 

神父說﹐ ”能體會這份愛﹐ 就能體驗我們的下一世“。 這不就是我們一直想知道的嗎? 一切人與人的愛﹐ 不管是過去的﹑ 現在的﹑ 或是未來的﹐ 都只是短暫的。 它會隨著時間而逝﹑ 而斷。 只有祂的愛永不褪色。 當你發現和相信以後﹐ 你會用另一個角度去面對情感。 但願這能減少你感情的痛苦。 

因為﹐ 我正在學習用另一個角度去面對我的情感。