喜歡你

作詞：梁文福
作曲：梁文福
編曲：錢幽蘭

主唱﹕ 陳潔儀

喜歡你　給我你的外衣　讓我像躲在你身體裡
喜歡你　借我你的梳子　讓我用柔軟頭髮吻你

喜歡你　車窗上的霧氣　彷彿是你的愛在呼吸
喜歡你　那微笑的眼睛　連日落也看作唇印

我喜歡這樣跟著你　隨便你帶我到哪裡
你的臉　慢慢貼近　明天也慢慢地慢慢清晰

我喜歡你愛我的心　輕觸我每根手指感應
我知道　它在訴說著你承諾言語

喜歡你﹐ 因為你體諒。你喜歡為我作安排﹑ 配合我。

喜歡你﹐ 因為你仁慈。即使犯錯﹐ 你只是暗地裡傷心﹐ 表面上只是蹙蹙眉。 

你不會說甜言蜜語﹐ 總覺得自己不夠精彩﹐ 讓我覺得悶。 可是你卻記得我的喜好﹐ 會出奇不意地給我意外的驚喜﹐ 讓我覺得窩心。

我知道我會喜歡你很久，很久。

避静1

下山后，就没有再做早祷。其实上山前也很久没做，只偶尔做晚祷。

没做的原因是，我想直接和您交谈。在山上的时候做，是为了让自己在那几天里有个固定的模式，让自己进入所谓的状态。其实我很想念在清迈的那一段日子，很想回到那时的状态。虽然潜意识里我知道，再也回不到那样的状态了。可是，下山后，我真的还想在今年里再做一次静修。

虽然现在的我是一个人住，静语的时间蛮长的，但是外面的杂音很多。不像在山上，只有昆虫和青蛙的合唱。这次的避静有点失败，可是和您交谈的机会并没有减少。星期六时，午饭后有两小时的静语，我拿了笔记本到我以前很喜欢的地方坐 - 凉亭下的角落。我开始写这之前的感受。写着写着，忽然停下笔来，听风。我留意着风从远处吹来，经过左边的大树，到拨弄眼前的树林，然后吹到右边的树，传来沙沙声。刚下了点雨，风其实有点冷。可是我却记得，那像极了您的微笑。 ^_^

He Won't Let Go

"I Won't Let Go"  ~Rascal Flatts

It's like a storm
That cuts a path
It breaks your will
It feels like that

You think you're lost
But you're not lost on your own
you're not alone

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
If you can't cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go

It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it's dark
This part of life
Oh it finds us all
And we're too small
To stop the rain
Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
And you can't cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight

And I won't let you fall
Don't be afraid to fall
I'm right here to catch you
I won't let you down
It won't get you down
you're gonna make it
Yeah I know you can make it

Cause I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
And you can't cope
And I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go
Oh I'm gonna hold you
And I won't let go
Won't let you go
No I won't 

 

When I first listened to this song, I thought I like it because it's from Rascal Flatts. But when I heard it the second time, going line by line with the lyrics (from AZ Lyrics), my tears just rolled down my cheeks. I couldn't stop crying for a long time. 

You hear all my sorrows, my happiness, my tears, my bitter, my sweet... You hear them all. I feel, as if You are telling me: You will stand by me, You will dry my eyes, You will fight my fight and, You will hold me tide, and never let me go.

I've been reading a book called "Disappointment with God" by Philip Yancey lately. What attracted me was how he would write such a book to his audiences, when I knew he is a renowned Christian writer.

In his book, he mentioned some Christians claimed that when they asked God for help, they heard nothing from Him. When I read that, I asked myself if I ever thought of it. Maybe, maybe during my search for God and before I was baptised. But, I really don't remember. I only remember He is always at my side. I'm blessed, and I always am thankful for that. 

When things don't turn out my way, I ask Him: is it something You want me to learn and I'm yet to pick it up? Ever since last year, I've learned to ask Him when I was helpless or hopeless: Is it something You haven't told me, and I should wait a bit longer? Everytime when I turn, puff, there, is Your message. 

I always believe He talks to everyone of us individually, in His own way. You might not hear Him directly, message might come from a writing, or a song, or by a messenger that only you can understand the meaning of the words, or a movie scene, or a scenery by the road side, or a dish... I just want to say, He is here, He is everywhere. He has His own unique way to express it, only you will know it. Sorry to say that, everyone of us receive the message in different forms. Peculiar? Yes, it is.

Sometimes we are deaf and dumb, we need to be reminded more than once. That's why in prayer, we ask for His mercy and wisdom to understand His Word. We do it every Sunday.  ^_^

I will always remember that You stand by me, help me through, dry my eyes and fight my fight. You will hold me tide and never let me go. At the end of my life, You will wait for me at the gate of heaven. 

I always believe that.

始終有您

始終有妳

作詞﹕易家楊                        作曲﹕趙傳                            編曲﹕楊振華

我驀然回首                來時路漫長又孤寂

可是在我的心裡        總有一個妳

有太多個春來冬去    我以為只剩下自己

躲在黑夜裡顫抖        該往哪裡去

從台北香港到上海    下著同樣的雨

太多的寂寞城市        我        走走停停

*但我的心中               始終有妳

迷路時候不曾忘記    有一個妳        陪我走下去

在狂風之中                始終有妳

在遠方要我別放棄    妳願意這一輩子        與我同行

知道當趙傳在寫和唱這首歌時﹐絕沒有我這般的想象。剛才聽到這首歌時﹐忽然感動得哭了。

最近在聽80﹑90年代的歌曲﹐趙傳的這張精選是尋寶時發現的“寶”。最近﹐也在看本叫“對天父失望”的書﹐因為好奇基督教的作者為何會寫這樣的一本書給讀者。

書中提到一些虔誠的基督信徒﹐如何對天父感到失望﹐如何“叫天﹐天不應”。然後我反問我自己﹐是否曾有這樣的懷疑。也許在最初或還沒洗禮時﹐有這樣的想法吧。可是我記不起來了﹐我只記得祂總是在我身邊的時候。我是幸運的﹐總不忘感恩。

每當事情的發展沒有自己想像的那樣順利時﹐我總問祂﹐是我哪裡沒做好﹐或是您想我從那裡學到什麼。從去年開始﹐我已學會在最失望﹑無助的時候﹐問﹕是否您還沒準備告訴我﹐要讓我再堅持些什麼﹐要我再耐心的等一等。每次驀然回首﹐或突然停下來﹐才發覺您想說什麼。

書中有些信徒總是大聲地問﹕您要告訴我什麼? 我卻認為祂用祂的方式告訴我們每一個人。不一定是聲音﹐有時會是文字﹔有時會是歌曲﹔有時會透過其他人傳達﹐而且是只有你自己才聽得懂的意思﹔有時是電影的一個畫面﹔有時是路上的風景﹔有時是你吃到的一道菜... 我要說的是﹐祂無所不在。祂表達的方式﹐是獨特的﹐是只有你才會懂的。不好意思﹐每個人真的是不同的。

我承認﹐有時候我們是反應遲鈍的﹐祂要說好幾遍﹐我們才懂。所以禱告里有段﹐祈求祂賜給我們智慧﹐能夠了解祂要告訴我們的話﹑要我們走的路。

是的﹐我會記得﹕有那麼的一個您﹐陪我走下去﹔您也會在我的這一輩子裡﹐與我同行。在您蒙昭之時﹐您會在天堂的門檻邊﹐等著我。

我是如此深信。

Keep Walking

I've not written for so long, just realized it. And, in English. 

I was busy with what I called "living" in the past couple of months, and again, at a crossroad. Met a friend last week to talk about it. Deep down, I knew I was looking for support and confirmation on the road I tried to lead. He has been walking on his for number of years, I was asking for guidance. 

Despite of my busyness, I'm starting to shape my goal (though inspired by this friend of mine after last week's meeting). I slowly form the solid image in mind, and start walking down the path. I'm also glad that, I've started to do serious Chinese translation of English works, whenever I could. What I mean of "serious translation" is the translation from workplace, not at my blog site. It feels great to see the accomplished pieces, as it is a job that closed to my heart.

I know, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I just need to keep on walking. And, He will always be with me. 

 

形象

好久沒有寫些東西了。 不是沒有感觸﹐ 只是把注意力放到另兩個部落格里。 昨天剛好又和好友出來﹐ 談了好多東西﹐ 才想要寫下來。 

最近很積極地在做形象上的調整﹐ 因為過去的三年﹐ 真的很汗顏。 有人不介意﹐ 加上懶﹑ 身邊的人也不打扮種種理由﹐ 差點就穿睡衣上班。 現任老闆非常講究穿著﹐ 雖然他沒開口﹐ 我倒常介意站在他的身邊得不得體。 所以趕快惡補。 去年學了化妝﹐ 前陣子買了李昀著的<<做自己的形象顧問>>﹐ 最近買了<<美白漂亮 這樣吃才對>>﹐ 都是為了找出適合自己的儀態。  上星期在朋友的宴會里出了醜﹐ 穿錯衣服﹐ 真想立即離場。 瀝瀝在目﹐ 非下功夫不可。 

看了李昀所寫的書﹐才發現原來不是所有的顏色都適合自己。 我以前是個喜歡什麼顏色的衣服就買的人。 看了她的分析﹐ 再回 想自己最近試衣﹑買衣的經驗﹐ 才領悟到有些顏色穿在自己的身上﹐ 真的不能看。 弄懂了之後﹐ 毅然把不適合自己顏色的衣服﹐ 放到回收袋里﹐ 準備送人。 以前會覺得可惜﹐ 會放一陣﹐ 結果總是沒有再穿。 朋友也提示﹐ 以後買衣可以找個朋友一起﹐ 方便給意見﹐ 就不會出現後悔的情況。 

好形象的改變﹐ 不但會有眼前一亮﹐ 也會增強自信心。 

接下來考慮的是﹐ 該不該換髮型...  哈!

某一天

最近很忙﹐  其實是好事。可以暫時忘掉憂慮。終於告一段落了。

可是在下個忙之前﹐ 我又被焦慮襲擊。 你剛病癒﹐看到我的電郵後﹐ 立即回覆﹐ 還在第二天早上打電話給我。 我並不善於被你逮個正著﹐ 支吾著。 你笑一笑﹐ 把話題轉移。 我想了一整天﹐ 才在晚上回覆你。 是封較短的電郵﹐ 不太像我。這次我知道﹐ 我只會在第二天早上才會收到你的回信。 果然! 只是這一次你把字放大了些﹐ 也寫了一封短信給我。 

這一天沒什麼事﹐ 我提早回家。 非常有耐性地開車。 聽著輕快的歌﹐ 嘴裡雖跟著唱﹐ 臉上仍沒有笑容。 我突然想到﹐ 你是我如今唯一能夠安心訴說的對象。可能是因為你能明白﹐ 因為你也曾經歷。 才這麼一想﹐ 臉上就浮現了會心的一笑。 以前以為好朋友不過如此﹐ 遇到你才發現所謂的“知己”﹐ 應該是這樣的。

真要謝謝你﹐ 你真的感動了我。 我也明白我在某程度上﹐ 也曾感動過你。 我們是平起平坐的。 又想起你不久前給我的一篇短文﹐ 道盡你的心思。 我當時看了以後說﹐ 我覺得那是一篇對話﹐ 像是我和你對說的一段話。 (有機會﹐ 我會翻譯在此)

記起表姐曾在fb連載這首歌﹐ 是我喜愛的Rob Thomas﹐ 其中一支較新的歌。 我知道﹐ 這才是你一直很想說的...... 

SomeDay

"Someday"

You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all you want to do is cry

[Chorus:]
And maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
Someday

Now wait
And try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away then maybe you can change your mind
You can run, oh
And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on everything around you
Man it's good to be someone

[Chorus]

And I don't want to wait
I just want to know
I just want to hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
Tell it to me slow

Cause maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
We'll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
Someday

[x2]
Cause sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again

水

很久沒有寫點什麼了﹐ 一來是電腦有問題 (剛修好)﹐ 二來是不想用英文寫。 結果就拖到現在。 

很多年都沒有一個朋友可以談心 ﹑ 聊些哲理的想法﹑ 或給我一些有意義的忠告。 所以這些年也就活在很表面的生活層次上。直到最近提起勇氣寫些生活感想給一位新認識的朋友﹐ 沒想到竟然得到回應。 而且還是很高層次的想法。也許我應該這樣說﹐ 因為他的經驗比我多﹐ 很多。 

我們談到工作﹑ 理想﹐ 發現原來有很多共同點﹐ 可以互相助對方達到目的地。 這久違的感覺﹐ 突然像泉水不斷涌出﹐ 掩蓋了整片大地。 雖然只是用電郵的方式聊﹐ 卻讓我們不知不覺地更深一層的了解對方。

他告訴我﹐ 他經歷過被別人欺騙﹑ 被盜取﹑ 被利用及安排﹑ 被踐踏﹐ 發現人性最醜陋﹑ 最黑暗的一面。 當對方想要得到你擁有的﹐ 可以不擇手段。 得到了以後﹐ 想盡辦法把你剔除。 若無法剔除﹐ 他們會把你釘死。 因為對方無能﹑ 因為妒忌﹑ 因為貪... 

他把這些經歷歸類於生命的一部份﹕ 被推倒了﹑ 自己站起來﹑ 拍去塵﹑ 擦去血﹑ 忍著痛﹐ 繼續走下去。 我們都相信﹐ 這世上好人還是比壞人多。 生命可以漂亮﹐ 當你找到屬於你自己的神秘花園。 就像雨﹐ 浸透每一個角落 - 河流﹑ 溝渠﹑ 土地﹐ 直到它找到它安心的目的地。 所以你看到河流﹑ 湖泊﹑ 甚至隱藏在地底下最清澈的井水。 

我想你了解我所要說的﹕ 是在於找到屬於自己層次﹐ 就像水找到它的層次後歸為的靜止。 生命也一樣。 

02/08/2010: Turning Point - August

Dear Father, 

10 years, as you said, to some people it's a long time. To others, it is short. At the sunrise age, 10-year is nothing. At the sundown age, 10-year is an achievement, as you don't know how many more 10-year you could go... 

I was surprised of your message last Saturday when I greeted you. Well, maybe it was because you seldom talked about your belief. You said, He carried you more than you realized all these years. Your wish was to become His servant and nothing more. I'm glad to hear that, really glad. 

Remember I called you up once during work? I asked you about His sign. You replied the same, as what others had been telling me so far. I asked Him to let me stay for another week or two, as I just started to discover something and I wanted to find out more. I didn't really want to make a harsh decision. Actually, I have a mixed feeling towards this decision. On one hand, I was glad I did wait, as I found something that led to my passion. On the hand, I saw the  ugliest side of this whole situation I was in then. I thought I had been immune of this whole thing about disappointed-with-a-human-being, but my feelings were far more hurtful than I expected. I had trouble sleeping at night, no appetite, and the negative cycle just continued by itself. 

I've been trying very hard to put a stop of all these negative feelings. Am still trying. At least now I can eat and eat well. The sleep will eventually pick up, I think. 

August is a turning point. I know from this month onwards, I will become better and better, both physical health and mental health. 

You too, Father, please take good care of yourself. Will pray for you. 

God Bless. 

曙光

接近月尾了﹐ 還是處在舉棋不定的狀況中。 真的好累... 已經一個星期了﹐ 每晚只睡4小時。 精神處在亢奮的虛弱的肉體裡﹐ 好不辛苦。 肉體的反應﹐ 已經不是第一次有此經歷﹐ 只是這一次是快樂的。 

是好事﹐ 抑或壞事? 那天想借朋友的茶讓自己好睡些﹐ 還是沒用。 4小時後自動張開眼睛。 去看醫生﹐ 醫生勸說﹐ 不要太緊張﹐ 開了一些藥。 唉﹐ 只有第一晚我睡了6小時。 接下來還是一樣。 

今天繼續我們的討論。 大部份非常悲觀... 和其他人隨口聊聊﹐ 空氣也瀰漫著負面的氣息。 晚上的一通電話後﹐ 讓我下了決定。 終於看到一線曙光... 

就朝這個方向前進吧。 已經預知最壞的處境﹐ 接下來的﹐ 只會更好... 

就像他說的﹐ 肯定妳自己﹐ 即使沒有人相信妳~ 

轉機

事情沒我想象中的壞。 慶幸我鼓起勇氣寫信給他。 

心情起伏了整整三個月﹐ 每天去上班都在想﹐ 去或留。 終於在六月結束的兩個星期前見到轉機﹐ 卻又回到去與留的徬徨。 沒動靜兩個星期﹐ 上星期終於忍不住寫了封信給他﹐ 讓他知道我的徬徨。 回到家﹐ 後悔了。 萬一他不接受怎麼辦? 折騰一整晚﹐ 第二天早上想﹐ 算了。 若您的安排是要我離開﹐ 我會欣然接受的。 當打開信箱 ﹑ 看到回信時﹐ 我不自覺地眉開眼笑... 事情真的沒我想象中的糟糕。 

認識他以後﹐ 我一直相信﹐ 會有轉機的。 可是隔了兩個月﹐ 沒有下文﹐ 我又不敢問。 終於在他正式被介紹後﹐ 我的信心重新恢復。 可是﹐ 接到另一個驚人的消息。 又開始徬徨。 決定找個朋友來問問﹐ 卻沒想到她在拉人。 唉~  我曾問﹐ 這真是您的安排嗎? 您看﹐ 我老這樣。 您給的訊息﹐ 又不相信。 是不甘心吧﹐ 畢竟沒做過什麼。 總會不甘心的﹐ 因為知道自己的能力不止於此。 我可以留下來再看看嗎? 

不好意思﹐ 總是打擾您﹐ 給您添麻煩了。 也謝謝您﹐ 讓這遲來的好消息肯定我的等待是值得的。 

願您保祐。 

09/07/2010﹕ 關於祂的愛

親愛的神父﹕ 

我突然想到這段對話﹕ 我會一直陪伴妳﹐ 像我之前答應妳的。 即使妳一個人﹐ 妳也會感受到我在妳身旁。 

瞬間﹐ 熱淚滿眶。 

有時重看我寫過的東西﹐ 會發現字裡行間會透露這樣的訊息。 我越寫﹐ 文字裡越不斷給予我這些肯定。 

那天我問你﹐ 我們是否一定要受苦﹐ 才能體會祂的愛。 你說不一定﹐ 可是當妳愛時﹐ 就一定有痛苦。為什麼會有痛苦呢?  一番討論後﹐ 發現我們的出發點不同。 嗯... 我是拿我對人和我對祂的愛來比較。 我說﹐ 對祂的愛﹐ 應該是快樂的 ﹑ 幸福的。 因為祂無條件的愛。 因為﹐ 你知道你的愛在祂那裡﹐ 肯定會有回報。 因為﹐ 你知道即使全世界都不愛你﹐ 祂還是會像從前一樣地愛你。 因為祂無私的愛。 

最近在雅虎看到一份關於沃倫 巴菲特的報導。 訪問說巴菲特的成功來源﹐ 並不和股票 ﹑ 金融有關﹐ 而是他父母給他無私的愛。 讓他在他往後的人生裡﹐ 可以走向成功。 因為他知道﹐ 無論發生什麼事﹐ 他的父母都會永遠支持他﹐ 家門永遠為他打開。 所以他可以放心去做他要做的事﹐ 他敢於冒險。 我們也這樣想的吧﹐ 祂會引導我們走上我們應走的路。 只有祂知道什麼是對我們最好的。 

你常說的﹐ 因為這份愛﹐ 我們才能體會天堂 ﹑ 永生。 

也因為這份愛﹐ 我們才能學習如何愛人。 不是嗎? 

上帝保祐。 

屈服

最近一直和同事聊到祂﹐ 老闆也老提到祂。 

公司里發生一些事﹐ 我還處在觀望的角度。 老闆昨天告訴我一些事﹐ 讓我寬心不少。 從上星期到這星期﹐ 一直不斷有人介紹工作給我。 我自問﹕ 這是您給的訊息嗎? 朋友罵我﹕ 已經這麼明顯﹐ 難道妳還要祂出現在妳面前﹐ 告訴妳怎麼做嗎? 不用想啦﹐ 這不是二千年前 ﹑ 妳也不是猶太人。 哈哈哈...  :D 

今天同事告訴我們一個對她來說的好消息。 她說最近她沒再向祂要求什麼了﹐ 她只是禱告﹐ 其他的一切都交於祂。 祂卻捎來這好消息。 我也發覺到祂在最後一分鐘解決了我的當務之急。 我們一致認為﹐ 是祂的指示。 是祂在告訴我們﹐ 請放心把一切交給祂﹐ 祂會打點一切。 老闆尤其深深地體會這一點。 她常說她是個非常固執的人﹐ 總是要自己做 ﹑ 自己扛。 她總在測試祂﹐ 而祂也總在考驗她。 從上個月開始﹐ 我們看到她經歷我們認為的低潮﹐ 為公事和私事奔波。 而且還得在我們面前表現堅強﹐ 因為她是老闆。 她終於屈服﹐ 把一切交給祂。 然後﹐ 她眼前的所有難題﹐ 一一有了解決的方案。 

我在臨走前告訴我同事﹐ 我現在面臨的難題﹐ 也許是祂要我學的。 祂希望我能在做每一件事時想到祂﹐ 養成良好的生活習慣﹐ 這樣生活才會更有意義。 也希望我能更依賴祂... 

凡是都交給祂吧﹐ 祂會安置一切的。 已經開始了﹐ 不再需要什麼暗示。 

在意

剛剛有位朋友一直向我道歉﹐ 說她沒告訴我﹐ 她其實很早就向委員會提出自願當facilitator。 我莫名其妙﹐ 一再告訴她沒關係。 然後她又說她也沒告訴另一些人﹐ 我才發覺問題所在﹕ 她太介意我 ﹑ 與這些人怎麼想。 

我曾經也是個很在意朋友 ﹑ 甚至陌生人對我的看法。 會一直向別人解釋我為什麼這樣想 ﹑ 這樣做。 親近的朋友會任我說﹐ 但陌生人就覺得莫名其妙﹐ 認為多此一舉。 現在﹐ 我比較可以接受自己不必向別人解釋太多事。 說真的﹐ 很多人都不會在意。 顧自己的事都來不及呢~  我並沒有提倡我行我素﹐ 我還是傾向合群。 只要不太隨波逐流﹐ 偶而擁有自己的意見﹐ 不是件壞事。 在適當的時候有主見﹐ 會換來一些尊重的。 

先入為主﹐ 是我們常對人對事的態度。 可是有些人與事﹐ 不是“常恆”的定理。 人與事﹐ 在不同的時間 ﹑ 不同的角度會有不一樣的反應及結果。他當時的所作所為﹐ 會有一定的理由。 你能不能夠接受﹐ 那是你的事。 輪不到我評斷。  若真的不能容忍﹐ 那就走開吧﹐ 退一步海闊天空。 

不要太過執著 ﹑ 太過武斷﹐ 人與事﹐ 都會改變。 有一天你會明白。 

A friend apologized to me just now, as she had volunteered earlier to be a facilitator. I was confused, but told her it was ok. Then she mentioned she also didn't tell another group of people, I realized what was her problem: she cared too much of what I, or other people think of her. 

I used to care of what my friends and others think of me. I would explain to others why I thought this way, or why I did this. My friends would let me say what I wanted to say, but strangers would find it odd: why did you need to explain it... Nowadays, I can accept the fact that I don't have to explain every action. To be honest, nobody cares what you think and what you do. Can't even care enough for themselves... I don't mean to do things without guidelines, or to do whatever you like. I still go with the majority. But not following the crowd, sometimes, isn't that bad. To voice up your opinion might also gain some respects. 

We always judge by the first impression. But there is nothing forever unchanged. People will have different response towards things at different moments or at different angles. There is always a reason why something has happened. If you can't accept it, it is up to you. I can't comment. If you really can't stand it, just walk away. The alternative route may be smooth and wide. 

Things will change. Don't be too judgmental. You will understand it one day.  

內疚

當你開口時﹐ 我應該傷心的。 像平常﹐ 我應該流淚 ﹑ 我應該生氣 ﹑ 我應該心碎。 可是我沒有。 

我只是嘆口氣﹐ 又得重新來過... 當我告訴神父時﹐ 他並沒有驚訝﹐ 只是問我還好吧。 但那一晚﹐ 還是翻來覆去 ﹑ 輾轉難眠。 後來﹐ 偶爾還會流淚﹐ 卻發現不是為你。 

我是內疚的。 這麼多年了﹐ 竟然可以說放下就放下﹐ 不太像我。 可能是之前哭太多了﹐ 不願再回到那心痛的日子。 我只想往前走。 

也許﹐ 我應該內疚的﹐ 內疚我沒有心傷。 但我沒有。 

"I Feel Bad"

I should be out in that driveway stopping you
Tears should be rolling down my cheek
And I don't know why I'm not falling apart
Like I usually do
And how the thought of losing you's not killing me
I feel bad
That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, Seems so wrong
I can't explain it
Maybe it's just
I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb Baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad

I can let myself be angry over wasted time
And sad about just throwing love away
Yeah I almost wish my heart was breaking
But I cant lie
All I want to do is turn the page
I feel Bad

That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, Seems so wrong
I can't explain it
Maybe it's just
I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb Baby I hate it
I feel bad

That I don't feel bitter, alone
I just feel its time, its time to move on
I just gotta move on and on and on and on

Yeah
Baby it's just I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad
No, I don't feel bad 

[ RASCAL FLATTS LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]

方向

朋友在她的部落里提到﹐ 她找不到方向﹐ 是因為一開始沒有定下終點。 是嗎? 

我剛在fb寫﹕ 正在十字路口﹐ 問祂方向﹐ 其實(我)已知道該往哪走﹐ 再詢問﹐ 這次是(希望得到)祂的祝福~ 

即使定下目標 ﹑ 設下終點﹐ 不一定會知道該往哪裡走。 但是不是路途就短些 ﹑ 會幸福些? 那也見人見智。 有人設下目標﹐ 會一直認為那是遙不可及的﹐ 永遠沒辦法實現。 若一時無法下定目標﹐ 可以從比較近的方向作考量﹐ 總有一天會找到最終的目標。 也應該抱著靈活的想法﹐ 方向不對時﹐ 可以即時調整心情﹐ 朝不同的方向繼續走下去。 那也許看似不對的方向﹐ 會有一天變成可行的道路。 你也許不自覺﹐ 我們常這樣做呢~  試想想﹐ 你今天站的地方﹐ 是不是十年或二十年前的目的地? 還不是一路走來了?  ^_^  

繼續走下去吧﹐ 路﹐ 會自然清晰。 那﹐ 也是個方向。 


A friend wrote that she couldn't find her direction, it is because she didn't set the finish line at the beginning. Really? 


I wrote on my fb that day: at the crossroad, ask for direction, but she actually knows which direction to head on. Ask again, this time for blessing~ 


Even if we set a goal at the beginning, it doesn't mean we know where to go. Might it be a shorter route if we have a goal? Well, maybe. Some people set a goal and think it's unreachable, and therefore it is never been achieved. If you can't set a goal right now, think of the possible routes from your surrounding. One day it will lead to your final goal. You should also be flexible. If you realize the route is not leading to what you want, change your direction, and head off to a new road. The incorrect route, sometimes, might turn out to be a walkable way. Well, we always do that. Try to think back, where you are standing now, was it the goal or the direction you wanted ten, twenty years ago? You have come this far anyway... 


Continue to walk on your path, the road will be clear. It is also A direction. 

Stand

Sometimes, somebody or something hits you. You fall on the floor, shocked and helpless. Your trust is tested.

I say it before, when you fall, you can sit on the floor to nurture your wound, but YOU have to stand up yourself. Your friends and family members can only lend you a hand. How do you learn, if you don't experience it? Others don't show their failure, doesn't mean they don't have experience. 

Life is like a novel, only the end has been ripped off. You know the storm will be over, you know at the end of the tunnel is light. In the meantime, you need to keep on walking. The invisible wall will break one day... 

Life is not like a picture. It doesn't freeze at a particular moment in time. It will not stay on a spot to wait for your decision. Every time you stand up again, a small part of you will fall into a new "YOU". This new You, will be different from You in the past. 

Remember that. 

站起來

有時候﹐ 某人或事把你推倒。 你跌坐在地上﹐ 驚慌失措 ﹑ 無助。 你對人與事的信任受到考驗。 

我曾說過﹐ 你可以坐在地上休息﹐ 可是你一定要自己站起來﹐ 朋友和親人只可以借力給你。 不經一事﹐ 何來的長一智? 別人光明的一面﹐ 並不代表他沒有經歷那一事 (或很多事...)。 

像歌詞里所提到的﹐ 人生就像一部小說﹐ 只是你不知道結局。 你知道暴風雨有天會停止﹐ 你也知道黑暗的儘頭是光明﹐ 在這個時候﹐ 請你一直走下去﹐ 那擋在前面無形的厚牆﹐ 有一天會裂開。 

人生不像照片﹐ 被凍結在固定的時間里。 它不會停在那裡﹐ 等你作決定。 每當你重新站起﹐ 你的一小部份﹐ 會開始拼湊另一個完整的你。 但請記得﹐ 這一個完整的你﹐ 不會是從前的你。 

與你共勉之~ 

"Stand"

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

[Chorus:]
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand


Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before it's gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Oh
[ RASCAL FLATTS LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]

He Ain't The Leavin' Kind

"Me and My Gang" is my most favourite album among the others of Rascal Flatts. First time heard this song, "He Ain't The Leavin' Kind", didn't understand much. Until one day I was singing it with the lyrics, I finally understood it. 

"He Ain't The Leavin' Kind"

They tried their best to drag him out

Of a courthouse down in montgomery

Now they want to kick him out of school

And take him off our money

They can take those words off of paper and stone

But he aint gone, no

He ain't the leavin' kind

He'd never walk away

Even from those who dont believe

And wanna leave him behind

He ain't the leavin' kind

She stayed mad at him for a lot of years

For taking her husband

Started losing her faith and thinking that

Her life meant nothin

But when she looks at those kids

She raised all by herself

She knows she had some help

Yeah she knows

He ain't the leavin' kind

He'd never walk away

Even from those who don't believe

And wanna leave him behind

He ain't the leavin' kind

No matter what you do

No matter where you go he's

Always right there

With you

Even from those who don't believe

And wanna leave him behind

He ain't the leavin' kind 

[ RASCAL FLATTS LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]

He will not leave. He is always there (or here). I have said this and repeated it in my writing thousands times. You can say you don't believe it, or you walk pass Him. But we all know, somewhere down the road, whether you are still walking, or at the dead bed, you will finally acknowledge, He is there, ALWAYS there. 

On this road called Life, a lot of things happen to us. We meet great people we call friends, we loss important people that might be closed family or friends, we fall in love with someone, we fall out of love with others, we meet golden opportunities, we make poor decisions, we laugh, we cry, we are worried, we are angry, we are relief, we are excited... No matter what we do, where we go, one thing that was not, is not and will not change is, He is always there. Regardless how many ups and downs we have in our lives, He is always there. 

He ain't the leavin' kind, He'd never walk away, even for those who don't believe, and wanna leave Him behind, 

HE AIN'T THE LEAVIN' KIND. 

願望

認識 Rascal Flatts 是因為他們的 "What Hurts The Most". 結果下載了他們其他的專輯, 發現很多歌都很好聽。 

若你問我﹐ 很多歌我都很喜歡﹐ 但最愛的是這首 “My Wish"﹐ 收入在 "Me and My Gang” 里。 歌詞可以在我寫的英文版里*找到。 

你也一樣希望寄意於你的朋友吧? 

從小﹐ 我都和朋友一起成長﹐ 因為我沒有兄弟姐妹。 我很享受和朋友在一起的時光﹐ 不管是兩個人 ﹑ 三個人 ﹑ 或是十個人... 我想念與你﹐ 兩個人﹐ 聊至第二天天亮 (有時還會翹早上八點的課﹐ 哈!)﹔ 我想念你從老遠帶一大堆CD到我家 ﹑ 不厭期煩地向我解釋專輯的內容﹔ 我想念你半夜三更打電話給我和我聊天﹐ 為了使你清醒 ﹑ 可以完成你的作業﹔ 我想念你作東﹐ 帶我去這去那﹐ 為了我可以順利完成我的功課... 我尤其想念你們﹐ 在我最需要的時候﹐ 聽我細訴。 

我只想說 “謝謝你﹐ 朋友”。 我也希望你知道﹐ 不管你做什么﹐ 總有一個人常在這裡支持你 ﹑ 愛你。 

*在 “My Wish"﹐ 生活隨想里。